Fish Out of Water
by UnmovingGreatLibrary
Summary: With help from explosives and outside world dating magazines, Nitori tries to navigate the treacherous world of human romance for long enough to confess her love to Marisa.
1. Chapter 1

In the very bottom of Nitori's very deepest pocket, she had hidden a neatly-folded love letter.

Her pockets also held a complete wrench set, a folding knife, an electric flashlight, two homemade hand grenades, a screwdriver, the near-complete blueprints for a helicopter, a coin purse, a few loose bolts and bits of wiring, and a flask of water. Her backpack was even worse, overstuffed with ammunition, gadgets, and knickknacks to the point that she'd needed to reinforce the straps. Despite all of those, the letter felt like it was the heaviest by far. She could feel it weighing her down as she made her way down a narrow path along the riverbank.

The letter began, "So, hey, Marisa, I know I'm not the best at this kind of thing, but..." It was her fifth attempt at writing it, and like everything else she'd ever made, its construction was deliberate and methodical. She'd stared at it for hours over the past few weeks, striking out unwanted lines with mechanical precision and analyzing every word that remained. Rinnosuke had sold her a stack of magazines from the outside world, full of articles about dating. One of them claimed to have foolproof techniques for writing love letters, and she'd followed its advice meticulously. There was a tiny heart after her signature. It was the letter that was going to make her entire life beautiful.

Or, so she hoped. She was figuring this all out as she went. Kappa society wasn't big on romance. No need for it, when you reproduced through clutches of eggs that might sit for days before being fertilized. That sort of thing only got in the way. Over the decades, though, she'd found herself growing fond of the idea. Spending so much time around humans was probably rubbing off on her, but tengu manga had done its share. It certainly seemed to pass romance off as a pretty good deal. Like having a close friend, but sometimes you kissed and then laid around holding each other. It was the kind of arrangement that Nitori could get behind.

The pathway split in front of her, and Nitori turned up the fork that headed away from the river. She hurried now, but resisted the urge to activate her optical camouflage. _Tip #11: Confidence is attractive._ One of the articles had said that, and it seemed like a good tip to her. Marisa's confidence was one of the things that Nitori liked best about her. Even so, being far from water was never a relaxing experience for a kappa. If she got attacked, there was nowhere to hide.

The trip went smoothly, though, and Marisa's house soon came into view. Knocking on the door, she even found that Marisa was home, awake, and not busy—a rare combination. As she was led inside, she carefully weaved between the stacks of books lining the walls, and somehow managed to get to the living room without knocking anything over with her overstuffed backpack. Once she reached the couch, she had to slide it off, and it settled to the floor with a satisfying, wall-rattling _thump_.

"Pretty rare to see you this far from the river," Marisa said, as she fished a teapot out of a pile of books and half-finished magical experiments on the coffee table. "Runnin' errands?"

"A-ah, uh, no!" Nitori said, then reminded herself: _Tip #11_ and straightened her posture. "I'm just out enjoying the weather...!"

"Huh... I thought you guys hated sunny days?"

"... maybe a little," she admitted, and hurriedly searched for a change of subject. This was not how things had worked out in her head. She wracked her brain, trying to remember what the magazines had said about how to _present_ your love letter, but their advice there had been less useful. Lots of talking about lockers. "Actually, Marisa, I've kind of got something I wanted to...!" Nitori trailed off mid-sentence, as she realized that Marisa had already walked out of the room, teapot in hand.

"Huh? You say something?" Marisa called back from the kitchen.

"I said your place is a mess!" It was the first thing that popped into her head, and while it was certainly true, she didn't think that it was going to win her any points.

She immediately backpedaled, trying to find a way to soften the comment, but Marisa beat her to the punch. "Yeah, I guess!" she said, as she carried the now-steaming teapot back into the room. "I like it this way, though. Everything where I want it. Plus it scares off anybody who'd want to steal from me. How do ya take your tea?"

_Like anybody but you would want this junk,_ Nitori thought, but managed to only say, "Plain is fine! I'm not one of those wimps that needs sugar, y-y'know?" She laughed nervously at the end, just in time to notice Marisa dropping a small pile of sugar cubes into her own cup. _Fuck fuck crap damn argh._

"Sugar's good for ya. Nice and thick. Helps gum up your digestion so you can get more nutrients and stuff outta your food. I read that in a book somewhere," Marisa said, and scooted Nitori's sugar-free cup of tea across the table. "There's yours."

"Th-thanks."

The two sat in silence as they drank, and Nitori tried to plan a second attempt to present the love letter. She'd assumed that it wasn't going to be that difficult. Human teenagers seemed to accomplish it on a regular basis, and she was certainly better than any human. Maybe that's how she could explain things. Nitori was obviously superior to any other romantic option that Marisa might have in mind, and it wasn't a bad deal for Nitori, either. Marisa was pretty great for a human. She spent her entire time making things, she was a lot smarter than she acted, and she was pretty strong, too. She was practically an honorary kappa like that, and there were some other bonuses too. When she was outside, her hair caught the sunlight and looked like a glowing golden halo around her head. She knew all the best spots in Gensokyo, and as much as Nitori resented being dragged away from home sometimes, spending time with Marisa was never _boring_.

… but putting all of that into words seemed kind of hard. As casually as she could, Nitori slid one hand down to the line of pockets along the bottom of her dress and slipped the letter into her palm. "So! Uh. You know, it's not a big deal or anything, but I've got this letter..."

"Huh. One of the ones from Remilia?"

"... eh?"

"For her whole... summer ball thing. She's been sending 'em to _everyone_. Reimu got three, even."

"O-oh! Those things!" Nitori had no idea what she was talking about, but it seemed best to go along with it.

"... so wait, did she send ya one after all? The last I heard, she said kappa smelled like fish and she didn't want 'em stinking up the place."

… it suddenly seemed like a bad time to present the love letter. Nitori shoved it back down into her pocket, and tried not to wince as it crumpled under the force. "Yep! That's the one."

"Huh."

Nitori fidgeted in silence, and considered what to make of this new development. Balls were those things where humans danced a lot, right? Dances were supposed to be romantic. _Tip #4: Sweep him off his feet on the dance floor._ … all of the advice in that article was about dating guys, but Nitori didn't think it mattered much. A human was a human. "... are you planning to go?"

"Nah." Marisa looked up toward the ceiling, swishing her tea thoughtfully. Even from this distance, Nitori could see the undissolved sugar floating on top of it. "I mean, I'd _like_ to. There's usually tons of free booze, and the food is pretty good too. Buuuuut, Remi said I'm not allowed back after last time I visited. Some furniture got set on fire," she waved a hand in the air vaguely, "it turned into this whole _thing_."

"Huh... Well..." Nitori had just had the most brilliant idea of her life, probably. "You could be my date? I mean! You know, just as a favor for a friend, s-so you can get in! She can't throw you out if you're with an invited guest, right?"

"... heeeeeey, yeah! You'd really do that, though? Remi'll probably be pissed when she finds out."

"Ehe, sure," Nitori said, already second-guessing herself. "What are friends for?"

* * *

><p>Okay, so. She had invited Marisa as her date, to a ball that neither of them were actually invited to. She'd never been to a ball before, and upon further investigation, found that the none of the magazines actually contained instructions for <em>how<em> to Sweep Him Off His Feet On The Dance Floor. She didn't have any dresses that were both formal enough for a dance and free from oil stains. _And apparently Remilia says I smell like fish, what the heck_, but that could wait. It was still a date! A kind-of date. Even if Marisa was mostly just looking for a way to get in, it was still _basically_, on some level, a date.

Once she got home, she retrieved a pen and paper from her backpack and constructed a to-do list:  
><strong>1. <strong>Rewrite love letter.

**2.** Find a new dress.

**3.** Forge an invitation.

**4. **Learn how to dance.

Number one was easy, and she did it within an hour. For number three, she briefly considered stealing somebody's invitation and copying it, but that seemed pretty difficult. Instead, she decided to improvise. She spent hours drafting a fake invitation, her perfectionist urges forcing her to redraw it half a dozen times until the filigree around the edges was perfect. When it was finished, she sent it to the tengu printing houses for that extra air of legitimacy. It might not look like the others, but she'd figure out how to deal with that when it came up.

Numbers two and four, though, were a bit more difficult. In an outside world encyclopedia in Kourindou, she was able to find a picture of a ball gown. It definitely wasn't the kind of thing that was sold in the human village. She ended up commissioning it from Alice. The dollmaker's eyes had lit up when she saw the picture of the gown. It wasn't enough to get her to lower her commission prices, but Nitori felt like it was a good sign.

Learning how to dance, though, was the hard part. She squinted at Tip #4 for hours, trying to tease out its secrets, but it remained inscrutable. Kourindou didn't have any books on the subject. She took a walk up the mountainside one day to ask Sanae, and the shrine maiden had seemed just as hopeless with the subject as she was.

When the day of the ball came, Nitori's checklist still only had three of its four items crossed out, but she'd exhausted her resources. Too nervous to do anything else, she spent half the afternoon putting on the dress and memorizing tips from the dating magazines, then headed out for the mansion.

* * *

><p>Nitori and Marisa had arranged to meet near Misty Lake, right at the spot where the path dipped down closer to the lake's shore. With the mist lowering visibility and the safety of the lake nearby, Nitori felt safe there. It was a good thing, because she was otherwise freaking out. The dress that Alice had made for her was huge, a sprawling, silky, pastel blue affair, covered in little embroidered roses. When she'd looked at her reflection in the dollmaker's workshop, her first thought had been <em>I look like a fancy cake.<em> That part, she could get used to. It seemed to be the intended effect, and when she had her hair down, she had to admit that it made her look pretty nice.

The worse part was that the dress had no pockets. Apparently that was how humans made a lot of their clothes. It was almost enough to make her have second thoughts about Marisa. What kind of messed-up species would think clothes with no pockets was a good idea? She'd compensated for this glaring shortcoming by bringing a satchel. Usually, it stored her supplies for demolition jobs. No matter how hard she had washed it, it still smelled like gunpowder, but she wasn't too worried about it. _Maybe it will hide the fish smell,_ she thought bitterly, as she double-checked the contents. She'd brought several kilograms of supplies, just in case. Never knew when you were going to need to fix a generator or booby trap a bridge, after all. The most important of the bag's contents, though, was the love letter. The newly-drafted version of it was folded in one of the tiny side pouches. She obsessively prodded at it every now and then, reassuring herself that she hadn't forgotten it at home.

She had been waiting for about ten minutes when she saw Marisa descending the path toward the lake. At first, she was just a silhouette, but as she drew nearer and the details became more obvious, Nitori's stomach sank. Compared to her own outfit, Marisa's was distinctly... non-frilly. It was actually just a variation of her normal dress. One of her nicer ones, with fewer stains than usual, but still. She was even wearing the apron. The apron had pockets, Nitori noticed jealously. "Yo~!" Marisa shouted. When she got close enough for them to see each other clearly through the fog, she froze. "Oh, _jeez_. You could hide a house in that thing."

"Aah, um, yeah, I guess so! … do you think I should change?"

"Huh? No. I mean, it's pretty. It's all..." Marisa waved her hands in front of herself, miming a circle at the gown. "Poofy and shit. In a good way! Like those little fish that puff up to scare off things that wanna eat 'em, you know?"

It still wasn't the effect that Nitori had been going for, but she'd take it. "Y-yeah, sure! … you look nice too."

"... this is literally just my normal clothes, though."

"I... guess it is, huh?! Ehehe." Nitori chuckled nervously, trying to pass it off like she hadn't noticed until Marisa had pointed it out. "But. Y-you always look nice?" _Tip #15: Make him feel like the sexiest guy in the room._

"Oh, damn. Can't argue that!" Judging by Marisa's grin, that was a save. Stepping closer, she looked up the hill toward the Scarlet Devil Mansion, then held out an arm. "Alright, we're gonna need to really sell the datin' thing if I'm gonna get in."

"Right, right, yeah." Nitori still reached out slowly, like she was trying to grab a snake, until her fingers brushed against Marisa's. That provided a spark that made her hurry up, and she grabbed Marisa's hand.

_Sell the dating thing..._ she told herself, as they walked toward the mansion. _Sell the dating thing._ It seemed like it should be simple. She would have liked to have called this a date in the first place, but wasn't sure what she could do to make it feel more date-like. _#22: Knock the wind out of him with a kiss_? Easier said than done. _#2: Touch him in all the right places_? She didn't really want to touch any of Marisa's places like that.

The outer gate of the Scarlet Devil Mansion already had a small crowd gathered around it. On the other side, Nitori could see Meiling's distinctive red hair, as the gate guard screened the guests one by one. Well. Crap. She'd been hoping for a gullible fairy maid or something.

She rummaged in her satchel and pulled her forged invitation out for an anxious final check. It definitely _looked_ authoritative. Once the pair moved to the front of the line, she offered it up, and Meiling frowned over it. "This doesn't look like the others."

"I-it's a special one!" Nitori said.

"Huh..."

When Meiling still seemed hesitant, Nitori pressed on. "Straight from Remilia herself! A gate guard like you probably wouldn't know anything about it."

Meiling frowned, then shook her head with a sigh and offered the invitation back. "She really should tell me about this kind of stuff..." Turning to Marisa, she said, "And where's yours?"

"Don't need one. I'm with her."

"... you two are dating?"

"Yep!" Marisa proclaimed, and held up their clasped hands. "Holdin' hands and everything."

"Hmm. Lady Remilia is pretty upset at you right now, though..."

"Yeah, but get this: we're super hardcore in love." Marisa held up their hands again.

"Super!" Nitori agreed.

"I don't know..."

In her panic, Nitori went with the first thing that came to her mind. Grabbing Marisa's sleeve with her free hand, she yanked the magician down, then mashed their lips together. She only maintained the kiss for a second or two, then turned her head to the side and loudly announced, "I-if you kick her out, I'm leaving too!"

"Oh, um!" The display had left Meiling with a heavy blush on her face, and she hurriedly waved the two in. "S-sure, sure, please, come in!"

Once the two were safely out of earshot, Marisa allowed herself to relax, grinning and releasing her grip on Nitori's hand. "Jeez, that was pretty quick thinkin' with the kiss!" she said, giving Nitori a slap on the back. "Meiling really bought it, huh?"

"Yeah, for a youkai, she's pretty easily fooled." Nitori said, while wishing she could melt into the floor and disappear. So much for Tip #22. Still, even if it hadn't seemed to leave much impression on Marisa, at least she'd gotten a kiss with her. It was a start, right?

Fairy maids positioned through the mansion guided the guests toward the ballroom, and the two walked in silence for the rest of the trip. By the time they were close, Nitori could already hear the music. At the end of a long hallway, decorated even more garishly than the others, two more maids waited by a pair of double doors. They curtsied and swung them open as the two approached, and Nitori and Marisa stepped into the ballroom.

Like usual, it looked like the Scarlet Devil Mansion had spared no expense when it came to grandeur. The chandeliers overhead flooded the room with warm light, the walls were draped in banners, and one entire end of the room had been dedicated to overladen banquet tables. The crowd of humans and youkai who already filled the room wore an eclectic mix of outfits, but Nitori was pleased to note that several of them had dresses like her own. At the far end, the Prismriver sisters were putting on a performance that filled the room with soft music, and several pairs had already formed up for dancing. Through it all, fairy maids drifted around with trays of food and drink.

These seemed to be Marisa's first concern. One came close, bearing a tray that held a few bottles of wine surrounded by glasses. Before the maid could protest, Marisa grabbed a bottle in each hand. One quickly disappeared under her clothes, while she took a long drink from the other and offered it over to Nitori. "More people here than I thought. I guess I shouldn't be surprised, youkai go nuts for parties." Already, she was drifting toward the food tables.

Nitori took a sip from the wine and glanced toward the dance floor. That was what she was here for, right? But how was she supposed to make it happen? The appropriate thing to do, she guessed, was ask straight-up. That was uncomfortably direct, though. _"Hey, Marisa, nobody will believe we're dating if we don't dance"_, maybe?

Before she could decide on an approach, Marisa reached the buffet table, then made a beeline for a plate of tiny chocolates. Four or five of them disappeared into her mouth in quick succession. "Not gonna eat?" she asked, looking back to Nitori. "Kind of a waste to come here and just follow me around all night, don't you think?" To prove her point, she tossed a chocolate back over her shoulder.

The airborne confectionary caught Nitori off-guard, and she had to nearly dive to the floor to catch it. It was a good thing she didn't, because if she fell down in this dress, she wasn't sure how she was supposed to get back up. She popped the candy in her mouth, and immediately cringed. Most human and youkai snacks were way, way too sweet for kappa tastebuds. There were some promising-looking cheeses at the other end of the table, though. Much closer to the saltier sorts of food that she preferred. Coughing as she swallowed the last of the syrupy-sweet chocolate, she said, "Yeah, okay. But stay put! I want to ask you something after I eat!"

"Huh? Sure, alright."

Nitori set off toward the cheeses, her skirt swishing on the floor around her, and tried to plan out the rest of the night. Having a plan was important. Planning and organization was what set the youkai of Youkai Mountain above their counterparts on the plains, naturally. So. They'd spend another twenty minutes or so at the food tables, until Marisa was satisfied. She'd ask Marisa to dance. Once they'd danced for a while and things were suitably romantic, they could go stand on a balcony or something, and Nitori could give Marisa the note. Wait, no, scratch that—it would be too dark outside to read the note by then. They'd retire to a quieter part of the mansion instead, _then_ she'd do it. Afterward, they'd kiss, or... whatever it was that you did after you started dating. Judging by manga, it mostly consisted of looking soulfully at each other under trees. She felt like she could manage that.

It was the perfect plan, but before she could get any further in step one, a hand came to rest on her shoulder. "Excuse me. Could I see your invitation?" the unmistakable voice of Sakuya Izayoi said from behind her.

"H-huh? Um?" Nitori turned around, both hands fussing nervously with the strap of her satchel. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Your invitation. I'd like to see it."

"I wouldn't be here if I didn't have one, right?"

"Yes, and that's a problem. I know that you and Marisa weren't on the guest list. If one was sent out in error, I'd like to know who was responsible." Sakuya held out a hand expectantly. "Invitation, please?"

"What are you hassling _me_ for?! Your gate guard's the one who's letting people in, go bother her if we're not supposed to be here!"

"Invitation. Please." Sakuya did not sound like she intended to ask another time.

Past the maid, Nitori could see Marisa watching the scene in mild confusion. She had a few options here. If she handed over the obviously-forged invitation, it would probably end in a duel with Sakuya. She'd lose, get humiliated in front of Marisa, and the pair would get kicked out. She could try coming up with a lie about who had given her the forged invitation, but lying had never really been her strong point. When in doubt, a kappa's first instinct was to run and hide, but she hadn't exactly been able to find formalwear with optical camouflage. Although...

"R-right, jeez, hold on. I have it in here somewhere." Nitori pushed a hand into her satchel and started searching. Her fingers ran over the contents blindly, until they closed in around a familiar shape. It was a bit clumsy with one hand, but she was just able to grasp the pin between two fingers and yank it out.

"Well?"

_Five... four... three..._ Nitori counted down in her head, and then flung the grenade into the air, squeezed her eyes closed, and leapt forward in a single motion. The grenade had barely left her hand when it detonated in a solid _pop_ of combustion. The room was flooded with brilliant white light, and shouts of surprise drowned out the music. Even facing away from it, Nitori saw the entire world fade into a featureless white void, but she'd done her best to memorize the layout of the room before she took off running. Her vision was still blank by the time she reached Marisa, but she grabbed a handful of clothing and shouted, "Let's go!"


	2. Chapter 2

Ball gowns were _not_ the ideal clothes for sprinting. Nitori's heavy skirt bounced around her, and at one point, Marisa stepped on the train and nearly tripped the pair. Fortunately, by the time they reached the hall, Nitori's sight was coming back. Confused fairy maids looked on as she turned a series of corners, zig-zagging off toward what she could only hope was a less occupied section of the mansion. Not until they'd traveled at least a few hundred meters did she slow to a stop, panting, and let go of Marisa's hand.

"What in the hell _was_ that thing?!" Marisa said, and rubbed at her eyes. "I'm gonna be seeing spots forever, jeez."

"Flash grenade. You should recover in a bit, though."

"Uh-huh. In a year, maybe." Marisa stopped rubbing her eyes and looked around. As she got her bearings, she said, "What was that about, anyway?"

"Weeeeeeeeell. Um. I kind of... forged my invitation."

Nitori had expected Marisa to be outraged, but she only nodded approvingly. "Good enough to get us in, not bad! The flash thing was a pretty good move too, but maybe warn me next time."

"How was I supposed to warn you without her noticing?!"

"I dunno, hand signals or something! You're the inventor, figure it out." Seeming satisfied, Marisa started off down one branch of the hallway, identical to all the others to Nitori's eyes. "C'mon, let's get moving. Something like that won't slow Sakuya down for long."

"Where are we going?" Nitori said, hurrying to catch up and cursing the gown for what felt like the fiftieth time tonight. This kind of thing might be nice to look at, but that was its only positive quality. "We should probably get out of here before she catches up."

"Yeah, probably! I bet she's pissed. The next time Sakuya sees you, it's gonna be free kappa sashimi for everybody."

"That's not even a thing."

"It _could_ be. … what kinda dipping sauce do you think you'd eat it with?"

"Do you really expect me to answer that?!"

"Hey, somebody who eats people's souls outta their butts shouldn't be squeamish."

"Fuck you." Despite the remark, the exchange had lifted Nitori's mood. She'd never get anything done if she viewed arguments with Marisa as anything but harmless fun. On the other hand... her perfect date was kind of ruined. The magazines hadn't had many tips on how to woo somebody while fleeing from a vengeful maid through a vampire's mansion.

And who even made a dumb house like this, anyway? The archways in the halls were purely ornamental painted plaster. Not load-bearing at all. Typical human wastefulness. This place could stand up to practically anything if it had some good steel reinforcements, but no, instead there were some useless fake pillars with golden paint on them. This was the work of a race who thought that making dresses without pockets was a good idea.

Speaking of her dress, even walking at a normal pace like this, she'd nearly tripped on it half a dozen times. "Hey, hold up a second," she said, once the pair had gone sufficiently far that she wasn't looking over her shoulder for Sakuya every two seconds.

"Huh? Yeah, sure. What's up?"

"I have to do something about this thing..." Crouching down along the edge of the hall, Nitori slid her satchel to the floor and started digging through its contents. "You never answered my question, though. Where are we going?"

"I dunno. I figure Sakuya's got to keep most of her attention on the party, so she probably isn't gonna chase us much. This place is always fun to look around, you know?"

"So that's your plan?" Nitori grumbled. "To wander around this place until she throws us out or you get bored?"

"Yeah, basically."

Nitori sighed. In that case, the date was definitely unsalvageable. But, worst case scenario, she got to spend an evening with Marisa. That was what she really wanted, right?

"What're you doin', anyway?" Marisa said, leaning over her curiously.

"Alterations." At the very bottom of the satchel, she finally found her knife. With her other hand, she grabbed her skirt and lifted it away from her legs. _Tip #18: Dress perfectly to make his jaw drop_ briefly flashed into her head, but she pushed it aside. Perfect or not, there was no way that she was wearing this thing for another second.

The dress had cost enough that Nitori flinched as she drove the blade into it, but if she was being honest with herself, it wasn't like she would have ever worn it again anyway. Once the initial cut was made, she was easily able to continue ripping the thin cloth. It was awkward to rip it behind herself, but squirming around, she was able to just manage it. When it was finished, she stood up, and most of the skirt stayed behind on the floor. The part that she was still wearing ended just above her knees, giving her a much more manageable outfit. Marisa looked shocked, but Nitori could already feel her mood improving. After sliding her satchel back onto her shoulder, she kicked the discarded cloth away, then looked to Marisa. "What are you waiting for? Let's get moving."

* * *

><p>With Marisa leading the way, the two descended down the echoing stairs at the heart of the mansion. Nitori was relieved to not be attempting it in a skirt that nearly dragged the ground. She probably would have tripped and broken her neck. After going down several floors, Marisa opened a door that was otherwise indistinguishable from the others, then stepped into a hallway. "I just remembered, there's a room this way that I was wantin' to check out, and I think you'll like it."<p>

"Huh. Okay." The hallway stretched forward for at least a hundred meters, and Nitori mentally weighed that against the mansion's size as seen from outside. "... just how big is this place, anyway?"

"I dunno! I've been exploring it off and on for a few years, and there's still a lot I haven't seen. Pretty cool, huh?"

"I guess." She had to admit, the size trick was pretty neat. Although it just raised further questions about how structurally sound this place could be.

Doors flanked either side of the hall, dozens of them, but they were all the same, unmarked white with panels that were embossed with flowers. Somehow, Marisa still seemed to know where she was going. "Aha! This one!" she said, and pushed one door open. It kicked up a cloud of dust from the floor, but she didn't seem bothered by it as she stepped inside. The room within was dark, but the light coming in through the doorway provided some illumination. It looked like it had formerly been a small parlor, but the furniture had all been pushed to the edges of the rooms. On top of it, outside world devices were piled. Hundreds, maybe thousands of metal-and-plastic shapes gleamed under the light. Lifeless power cords tangled on the floor, and the occasional repurposed bowl or crate held piles of plastic accessories. Nitori didn't even realize that she was staring until Marisa broke the silence. "Pretty neat, huh? I figure this was all the stuff they didn't have a use for after they moved here. I never got to ask Sakuya about it."

Nitori was already digging in her satchel for her flashlight. "Most of it looks like it needs electricity," she said. Already, she was considering whether it would be difficult to patch her house into the power grid that flowed from the underground fusion reactor. After finding her flashlight and flicking it on, she immediately moved over to the nearest pile to start hunting. Telephones, portable players for magnetic tape cartridges, speakers... a lot of this stuff was already pretty common on Youkai Mountain, and she doubted that human-made stuff was going to be higher quality. Some of the others, though, were interesting mysteries: Boxes with big glass screens on the front, some kind of big white machine with an elaborate mechanism on one end with a needle clamped inside, a black box covered in buttons with a rotating tray for discs on top... She wasn't going to be able to pack any of this out, but she immediately started looking for small, useful components that she could fit into her satchel.

She was pretty sure that there was an article in one of the magazines about not boring your date with your hobbies, but... screw it. She'd had been following the advice this whole time, and it hadn't really gotten her that far. If that was what human romance looked like, maybe she wasn't cut out for it. She was just going to have to figure out what kappa romance should look like. "Here," she said, tossing a screwdriver to Marisa, then pointed to one of the contraptions. "Start taking that thing apart. I want to see what's inside."

"Heh. I never saw you steal stuff before!" Marisa said, and knelt down to start hunting for screws.

"Yeah, well... I make an exception for people who tell everyone that I smell bad and don't invite me to parties."

"Ooh, good point."

The pair worked quietly for a while, both of them disassembling their respective devices. Nitori had squeezed in behind one of the larger contraptions, a giant white metal box that was sitting on the floor. After pulling some of the guts out of the back, she was delighted to see that it had a water pump, a lot of tubing, and some circuitry. The pump was sadly too big to sneak out, but she might be able to come back for it. After some time, Marisa broke the silence. "Hey. I was wonderin' something."

Nitori's focus was on a small motor that she was now maneuvering out of its holding bracket. Only after sitting it on the floor and wiping the resulting grease on the front of her dress—might as well, at this point—did she peek out from behind the machine. "What?"

"Why'd you even invite me to the ball in the first place?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"Well," Marisa said, scooting closer to make conversation easier. Past her, Nitori could see that she'd made quite a bit of headway on disassembling her own target. "I mean, you weren't invited, but it doesn't really seem like your kinda thing anyway. Did ya really forge an invitation and stuff just to get me in?"

Popping the pump casing open, Nitori was pleased to see that the mechanisms within were small enough that they just might fit in her satchel. The work gave her a good excuse to stay silent as she considered her response. The thought of admitting that she'd done all of this for Marisa's sake was an embarrassing one, but it wasn't like she could think of a convincing lie otherwise. "Yeah, sure, I guess. It's not like I care about some stupid dance. That kind of thing is just a waste of time."

"Huh..."

Marisa's tone of voice just seemed to be prompting further explanation. Nitori scooted back behind the machine to hide her face. "I-I thought it would be a fun way to hang out or something. I don't know."

"Pfft!" Marisa broke into snickering, and it took her a few seconds to recover. "J-jeez. Next time, you could just ask to hang out by the river or something. Probably less likely to end with you chucking bombs at Sakuya. Doesn't really matter what you're doin' when the company's good, y'know?"

"I-I'll keep it in mind," Nitori said. She was proud at how level she was able to keep her voice. Her heart felt like it was flopping around like a fish out of water.

* * *

><p>When the pair left the storage room, Nitori's satchel was bulging with all of the outside world tech that she'd salvaged. She was quite happy with the findings, and already planning what she could do with them. It would depend on how the pump held up under testing, she decided. If it was strong enough, maybe she'd try her hand at designing hydraulics.<p>

After some wandering, Marisa started selecting rooms at random. Most of them were long-disused, full of furniture draped in throw cloths, but there were a few more interesting finds. A small reading room that, judging by the contents, hadn't been used since the 1500s. A room full of medieval medical instruments, with a heavily-stained operating table in the middle. A storage room containing dozens of hand carts for delivering food. (After much debate, Marisa convinced Nitori to push her down the hallway on one while she tried to balance on top of it.) An oubliette, which Marisa spent at least five minutes inside shouting and listening to her voice echo.

At one point, they walked into an old bedroom, and Nitori caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Grease stains across the front of her dress, a ripped and uneven hem line, dust smeared along the back of her clothes, her hair a mess from crawling around behind the machine... it definitely wasn't much of a date look, she had to admit. But it seemed like a pretty suitable look for a kappa.

By the time that the pair realized that the ball might be winding down soon, she was in a pretty good mood. It wasn't quite the date she'd been expecting, but it was still an enjoyable night with Marisa. As the two walked back toward the front of the mansion, she was already planning on how to say goodbye as un-awkwardly as possible when Marisa said, "Hold up, I've got one last stop I wanna make."

* * *

><p>"Jeez, I'm starving," Marisa announced to nobody in particular, as she led Nitori into the mansion's kitchen.<p>

"How can you still be hungry? Didn't you eat half a tray of chocolates before we got kicked out?"

"Yeah, but I was expectin' to stuff my face here, so I didn't eat all day," Marisa said. Crossing the room, she pushed open a door toward the back. "Here, dig in."

On the other side was an expansive pantry. It was easily as large as Nitori's entire house, and the options were... generous. Most of the contents were ingredients, sacks of flour the size of a person, barrels of cooking oil, and jugs of molasses. Still, there was plenty of ready-to-eat food, too: Cheese wheels half a meter across, barrels of fruit and vegetables, baskets of nuts... but it was a jar of pickled cucumbers near the ceiling that caught Nitori's eye. Ignoring everything else, she hovered up and grabbed the jar. She was already wrestling the top off by the time she took a seat on the edge of the shelf, while Marisa hunted below.

"If your skirt was like five centimeters shorter, I could probably see your panties from this angle, y'know," Marisa said, as she dug through a pile of cheeses wrapped in wax paper.

"W-what the heck is that supposed to mean?!"

"Just sayin'." Marisa seemed satisfied with one of the cheeses, and after unwrapping it, looked up to Nitori. "Toss me your knife."

"You're gonna drop it and cut yourself."

"Just do it."

"Fine."

The knife was now buried under half of a disassembled water pump, so she had to dig for a while before she found it. She tossed it down, and Marisa caught it safely enough, with a minimum of fumbling. After cutting herself a wedge of the cheese, Marisa floated up and settled onto the shelf across from Nitori. "Pretty cozy up here, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Y'know, even though we got kicked out of the dance, tonight was still a pretty good night," Marisa said, and paused to take a big bite of cheese. Waggling the rest of it at Nitori, she continued, "I mean, neither of us actually wanted to dance and stuff anyway, right? Pretty funny, when ya think about it!"

"Yep," Nitori agreed, and returned to the question of how to end the night. She still _did_ have the letter safely tucked away. The magazines hadn't said much about how to deliver love letters, but they'd had plenty to say on the topic of confessions. You were supposed to confess in a romantic location, under the stars or walking in a flower garden or something. Eating pickles and cheese while sitting in a pantry was pretty far from the recommended approach.

… which meant that for her purposes, it was probably perfect. She'd seen Marisa outside on starry nights, anyway. You couldn't get her to stop staring at the sky and pointing out constellations. It was all a bit boring to Nitori, but she found it kind of endearing anyway. That was probably what she sounded like to Marisa when she talked about engineering, so it was only fair. After digging the envelope out of her pocket, she anxiously turned it over in her lap as she worked up the courage to speak up. "Hey, uh, Marisa?"

"Yeah? What's up?"

"I-I, um..." Nitori smoothed out a crease on the corner of the envelope, then decided that it was probably better to just let it speak for itself. With a flick of her wrist, she sent it flying across the space between them. "Here. Just read it."

Marisa caught the letter effortlessly. "Uh. Okay." She sat her cheese down on her apron to free a hand, then ripped the top flap open with a single long tug of her finger. By the time she started unfolding it, the tension was already too much for Nitori, and she looked away, chomping heavily on another pickle to distract herself. Even so, she couldn't resist peeking at Marisa's face, and she saw the exact moment when Marisa realized what the letter was about and stiffened up. It didn't help her anxiety, and soon she'd eaten the entire pickle and started on another.

… she was fishing a third out of the jar by the point that Marisa finally let out a soft 'pfft' and said, "I can't believe you called my hair friggin' _radiant_."

Nitori froze, hand still in the jar of pickles, as a violent blush overtook her face. "I-I like how it looks in the light, okay?! It's a compliment!"

"Still really corny."

"If you don't like it, you don't have to read it!" Without thinking, Nitori hurled the pickle at Marisa. This time, Marisa wasn't prepared, and the pickle smacked against her stomach with a wet thud.

"I didn't say I don't like it! Just that it's corny." Marisa held the letter up with one hand now, lifting the pickle with the other to idly munch on it as she read. "... aw, and you even drew little hearts in the margins!"

… right, she _had_ written the letter following the magazines' advice. She'd bought a bottle of perfume just to spray it with. She was pretty sure that she used the phrase 'love as strong as a coursing river' somewhere in there. "R-rrgh. Give me the letter back," she said, holding a hand out.

"They're kinda cute..."

"Just give it!"

Marisa looked questioningly over to her, then folded the letter closed again. "... well, okay, but I wasn't done readin'," she said, and tossed it back.

Now that it had been opened, the paper wasn't quite as aerodynamic, but Nitori was able to crane forward just enough to snatch it out of the air. As soon as she had it, she ripped it in half. And again, and again, until nothing was left but a pile of tiny scraps, which she dramatically dumped in her lap. "Why do humans even think that drawing pictures of your organs all over stuff is romantic, anyway? You're a really messed-up species."

Marisa was now looking at her like a ticking bomb. "... so, uh, change your mind, or...?"

Nitori slumped down in her seat, rubbing at the back of her neck thoughtfully. Destroying the letter had been satisfying, but the feeling was brief. Now she was going to have to do this the old-fashioned way. "L-look. The letter was a bad idea, okay? I was following a bunch of useless advice. It's just... I like you, okay? You're not bad for a human, and you're more fun to be around than most kappa. … there. I went through all that trouble just to say that."

"Huh... so the dance and stuff too...?"

"Yeah..."

"Seems like a lot of work just to ask somebody out. Most people would've just shoved the letter under my door or something."

"Y-you don't have to rub it in!"

"Hmm... explains the kiss, too..."

"I wasn't planning that! It just kind of... happened..."

"Uh-huh. Sure it did. ... wanna give it another try?"

"H-huh?!"

Marisa was grinning now, and leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees and studying Nitori's face. "Kissin' me. Tonight was pretty fun. If you still want to do the whole dating thing, sure, I'm game."

"Y-y-yeah, sounds fun!" Nitori barely managed to squeak it out before she stuffed another pickle into her mouth. It was a good excuse to stop talking before she managed to kill herself with embarrassment.

* * *

><p>Much to Nitori's surprise, the pair managed to get out of the mansion without anybody being made into sashimi. Five days later, she had her first date with Marisa. On the banks of the river, they went for a swim together, then split the remaining bottle of stolen wine and talked about stars and machines. She wore her normal clothes, grease stains and all. At the end of the night, they got into an argument over the last cup of wine, and she threw Marisa's hat in the river to distract her for long enough to gulp it down. Marisa retaliated with a kiss when she got back.<p>

It was, in her opinion, the perfect date.


End file.
